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*The day I met him*

How can someone I never knew be such a huge part of my life?

Love is never planned and if it, it cannot be love. This is what happened when I first started talking to Ashton. No! It was not the love at first tweet, but the attraction our conversations and Google searching generated caught me off guard. I never thought it would go that long. Considering it as a crush was my mistake coz’ I fell in love. To be honest I fell in love with his voice. It was like a drug for my soul. Until that voice message, it was a mere “not so serious” types. It had to be a voice of someone who sings, not professionally but for hobby and within next few weeks i made sure all my best girlfriends had those sound clips on their device “in their playlist”,and on the top. I made it compulsory for them to listen.It was kinda “Bitch Mode Activated” for them. But the love they had for me, they accepted my threats without any counter-threats.

You cannot expect a married girl to fall in love.

Yes!! That’s me Veronica, 26, married, and in love again with someone living across the three oceans. We were technologically inseparable, another added advantage of digital age but it not a piece of cake to trust someone whose like thousands of miles away and totally opposite of you. But I did. Our relationship was always a few months on a few months off. He had his life. I had mine.

Some experts say communicating online before meeting IRL (that’s In Real Life) can actually foster strong relationships by helping those with similar interests come together over great distances. Potential lovers overlook superficial turnoffs, and people open up to each faster and more deeply.

So coming back to Ashton, we met through a social platform and within a few hours we were exchanging emails and over the next few days I discovered I was falling for this kind, funny and intelligent man. He’s really kind and sweet and funny, but he lives in the USA and I’m all the way over the pond, otherwise I would’ve arranged a meeting and probably got abducted. He was a kind of guy who could put my insecurities to deep sleep. He had the capability to dive into my eyes and taste all my fears.

But it wasn’t till today that I met him

Initially, I WAS SCARED TO MEET HIM IN PERSON

I parked my bike at the corner of the street and hopped off it, stood there, watching the masses of people ahead of me bustling like swarm of bees. I felt vulnerable like a little puppy out of a shelter, well groomed and standing in a strange street to stand face to face with FAITH that I was waiting for since so long. I took few long breaths and looked at my watch and there I saw him standing on the other side.

My heart did the oh-so-not-familiar-somersaults with the sudden flight of butterflies. My stomach felt like a freaking plane runway

He had not seen me yet or even he did I was sure he failed to recognize, though he never admits. “Now was the time to play some game” was the thought in my evil mind.

I saw him swapping screens on his phone and then suddenly there was buzz on my phone. It was a text from Ashton

“Where are you? I have reached”

“Near the fountain, opposite the candy vendor” I replied. There were numerous candy vendors there and I had seen them all circling the fountain.

“What are you wearing” he texted back

“Clothes” was my answer

I was trying to play a bitch and get on his nerves. The rich aroma of popcorns was entering my nostrils. There weren’t many people around and so it wasn’t difficult to search for one girl. I waited at the same spot till he found me out.

The moment our eyes met, I forgot what it was like to breathe. In fact, I forgot my own damn name. His eyes did not leave me for a second and I think I never saw him blink. I took a step forward like a sleepwalker. And the next moment it was like a moth attracted to a flame. I did expect him to be with a fork and a knife waiting to come and eat me up alive.

I took my chances as I melted into his arms, resting my head against his hard chest. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. His hand caressed my back softly before he hugged me back. His arms felt so strong around me, one harsh squeeze and I’d crumble.

“The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one’s grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.”

- Veronica

This Story Of A Dog’s Last Day On Earth Is Beautiful And Utterly Heartbreaking

10eveningflowers:

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”

Originally posted on Kindness Blog:

I Died Today. By Duke Roberts.

I Died Today. By Duke Roberts.
 

And I ate a lot of hamburgers. We had a party.

And I laughed.

And I laughed.
 

And I thought about how much I’m going to miss it here.

And I thought about how much I’m going to miss it here.
 

We told jokes.

We told jokes.
 

We were serious.

We were serious.
 

My friends from next door came to see me. They’re twins. When someone offered them one of my hamburgers, one said, “No thank you. I don’t want to take any from Dukey.”

My friends from next door came to see me. They’re twins. When someone offered them one of my hamburgers, one said, “No thank you. I don’t want to take any from Dukey."
 

Kristen came to see me. She’s a hoot. She’s my groomer. And my buddy.

Kristen came to see me. She’s a hoot. She’s my groomer. And my buddy.
 

While we were waiting for the vet to come, Kristen said we were going for a walk. Then someone said, “How about a play in the water at the splash park down the street?” So off we went!

While we were waiting for the vet to come, Kristen said we were going for a walk. Then someone said, “How about a play in the water at the splash park down the street?” So off we went!
 

“You know I’m going to miss you, right?”

 

“And you too, right?”

“And you too, right?”
 

“I need you to help me…

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From A to Vegan, and Beyond

10eveningflowers:

“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, the whole world would be vegetarian”

Originally posted on BitterSweet:

The clock hasn’t yet struck noon and already the restaurant is bustling. A line has begun to stretch around the corner and out the door while waiters carefully navigate the tiny space with their apparently bottomless, steaming carafes of darkly roasted coffee. Sunday, the last precious day of the weekend, used to be a time to sleep in and take it easy, but now it’s become the end-all, be-all day for brunch. Taking in the scene from a sunny corner, I can’t help but marvel at how quickly my generation has embraced this development, right alongside another, deeper reaching culinary trend: Veganism. As if to underscore this point, vegan options are woven in right alongside the other new American fare, highlighted by bold “V’s” as if to underscore my train of thought. 10 years ago, would the word “vegan” have resonated so thoroughly with so many people? Joined by my…

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THE SISTER AND SISTER-IN-LAW

gift

I am Anna, 35 years old with an eight year old daughter and carrying two more in my tummy.

Week 28

It seems like my pregnancy hormones have been on a joy ride. I have started feeling sad or happy at random things. This is a part of my terrible mood swings. Today when I went to the school to attend my Daughter’s Christmas performance, something terrible happened. The moment Jen started singing the carol, i started crying. I had no clue what those tears were for. Clouds of sadness surrounded me. A parent sitting next to me handed me a tissue saying “It’s ok dear, it happens”. What happens??

Week 29

It has been snowing since morning and it is my favorite time of the year. I love sitting by the window and watching the soft snow fall down covering the green garden into a white blanket. I opened the window panel to put my hand out. As the snowflakes touched my palms, my lips curved into a soft smile. I wanted to run out but at 29 weeks carrying two babies inside me it was not the right option. What if fall down and hurt the babies. Nick would kill me if that happens. Nick was the father of those babies.

When I was lying in the bathtub in the morning I could feel the babies. It’s a girl and a boy. The girl on the right moves a lot while the boy is quite still. When I was carrying Jen, I was so happy and excited but this time sadness surrounds me.

Week 30

The clock was ticking and the time was getting near. I had tears in my eyes. “Soon I would be parted from the babies” was the only thought I had in my mind. After carrying them inside me for more than 30 weeks I was very much attached to them. I knew their movements and they had my blood flowing through their veins.

“Should I talk to Nick” and the answer was “No”. The babies belonged to him and as per the deal, the moment they are born I have to give them away. I knew it from the start then why am I getting so much attached to them? They are not my babies.

Week 31

As I sat on my computer table checking email, I hear a beep on my phone. It was an SMS from Nick. He said he had spoken to some lawyer and in order to transfer the parenthood I just had to sign few paper. My heart shattered into thousand pieces. The thought of giving away this two beautiful souls was killing me now. I replied back saying that I am not signing anything that is legal and I need time to think.

Nick and his wife Sara got scared at my reply. Nick is my brother and Sara is his wife. After trying to have a baby for 7 years I accepted the offer of being a surrogate mother for them. I knew it from the beginning that I have no right on the babies but the feeling of being a mother and the hormonal games inside my body was intolerable. I did it for Nick and Sara because I love them and right now I was being selfish.

In next 10 minutes I got an SMS form Sara “You should never have agreed to do this if you were going to hold on to your status as mummy. You have broken my heart.” O cried reading it coz’ she was right.

Week 32

I had stopped answering calls from Nick and Sara. All I wanted was time to think and settle my mind. Bob, my husband was also trying and explaining me. He wanted me to give away the babies as they belonged to them. Genetically speaking the babies had three mothers. The sperms belonged to Nick and the eggs were not mine nor Sara’s. It was from a young donor. I did not wanted the babies to be mine and Nick’s. We are brother and sister and that would have been something totally awkward. It was just my tummy.

Week 33

The day came and I was transferred to the hospital. I felt trapped, enclosed, scared and shocked. Bright florescent lights and everything dull and sterile. The room was kind of stuffy and cold. The room smelled heavily of antiseptic. Sweat was dripping from both the sides of my face and long breaths escaped my lips as my mind wandered across.

Push breathe push breathe over and again. Three anesthetists, two pediatricians, a surgeon and numerous nurses all over me.

When they pull out the first twin, they take him away immediately, because he is a bit small. Then they ask a nurse to cut the cord. The second twin appears and I suggest that nurse holds her. I am surprised I don’t feel jealous. When they finally wheel me into recovery, my whole family is there.

And then I was lying on the hospital bed. I waited for the nurse to bring me the beautiful babies but nothing came. And then I saw Sara entering the room with babies in her arms. She had tears in her eyes and as she came to me she whispered “Don’t do this to me”.

It was like a moment of realization for me. I was being selfish. I had no right on the babies. I took Sara’s hand in mine “Take care of the babies” and moved my face in other direction. Sara and Nick smiled. She was thanking me constantly and I just wanted her to go away taking the babies with her and before I change my mind.

Week 34

Snowflakes hit the bus windows, melt and slide down the glass like big tears. I look out and my stomach is turning over and over in panic. The feeling of giving away the babies was draining me. I had told Nick and Sara not to contact me for some time now. I never expected all this would turn out this way. Sara messaged me saying I could come and meet the babies anytime I want but I opted out of it. The first few days were tough. There was a great hole where the babies should have been, almost as if I had miscarried and they had died. I did a lot of crying.

Week 37    

I decided to fight the situation. I went to meet Sara and the babies today.

It’s the moment I have been dreading for nine months. The moment I have to leave the babies. I bend over the pram and give each a last stroke on the cheek. I am trying to choke down my tears. With all the strength I can muster, I very deliberately turn and walk away. I can hear my own footsteps as I walk up the stairs and out of the front door. I pull it shut behind me.

 

6 months later

Things are normal now and my relationship with the twins is kind of special. I am all settled in my mind and I often go and visit them. Today when I went there the little girl was crying and Sara was trying hard to calm her down. The moment I picked her she stopped crying and I asked Sara “You think she remembers me?”

“Of course” she said with a big smile and I hugged her with tears in my eyes.

Love between friends may change with time. Love between spouses may fade with time. But a mother’s love stays strong till the end of time…

Deliberate cruelty is unforgivable – RIP Miracle

For most of them he WAS just a street dog, a 4 month old dog residing below my office building but for me he was my little buddy, my street buddy. So energetic and playful, the moment I parked my car in the office parking, I could see him running from the opposite direction. He used to lick my hand asking for those biscuits and sticks I use to get for him daily. He was growing up to be a beautiful dog and then something happened.

“The assumption that animals are without rights and the illusion that our treatment of them has no moral significance is a positively outrageous example of Western crudity and barbarity. Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.” – The basis of Morality

On the night of 5th July 2014, some inconsiderable creepy human took out all his anger on this little pup beating the hell out of him and breaking his legs and half of his stomach. I had to call the doctors the very next day who said his chances are less, he is in pain. The same night my little friend passed away at 3 am. The pain was too much for his little body and he crossed the rainbow bridge. He was nobody’s pet and there was no one to mourn his death but he was my little friend and it did made a difference to me.

MIRACLE

Now when I park my car there is no one to come and greet me with such innocence. I had named him miracle as he was the only survival of the litter of 6 pups. His mother sat by his body crying till morning. The building watchman was patting her when I came. It was such a sorrowful sight. We do not have Animal Shelters in this city which is very necessary. I dont know when the govt. will start understanding the plight of this beautiful creations.

Human cruelties crosses its boundaries at times. They take out their anger on something which cannot fight back. I wish that person who did that to miracle would rot in hell. I think it’s perfectly possible to explain how the universe came about without bringing God into it, but I don’t know everything, and there may well be a God somewhere, hiding away. Actually, if he is keeping out of sight, it’s because he’s ashamed of his followers and all the cruelty and ignorance they’re responsible for promoting in his name. If I were him, I’d want nothing to do with them.

“People speak sometimes about the “bestial” cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.”

RIP Miracle

Dear Diary

Rain
June 1st 2014

Dear Diary

Today is the day, when I and Rain were supposed to go the summer sale and pick up dresses for her, she had her prom next week. But instead, Rain still hasn’t woken up yet. Seeing her sleep like this makes my heart flip, and trust me it’s not in a good way. It was my decision to name her “Rain”, after all I loved rains and it was a rainy night when I met her father and we fell in love.

The bruises on her skin are still fresh and she looks so pale. It kills me from within to see my little baby suffering so much. Rain is 18, but for me she would always be a little princess. I can also see that she is losing her weight. Her shiny brown hair are dull and as she rests her head against those pillows I cannot help fight the tears that come from my eyes to see my beautiful girl lying confined within the white walls. I have to shift my eyes every second as this is the sight I would never want to look at even in my worst nightmares.

Ryan has been thrown in prison for fighting with other boys. What am I gonna do with him? I know he is very disturbed, looking at her elder sister whom he loved so much like this. Off lately, he has been getting in the sticky situations and tomorrow I have a meeting with his principal. She has called me and I have no clue what’s coming next.

I still cannot believe what went wrong between Derik and Rain. How can someone beat the hell out of his own daughter? Derik was never abusive or violent. He has never ever laid his hands on me. Yes, he had ugly temper but he never hurt anyone.

I had to come early from the hospital leaving Rain alone to take care of Ryan. I am gonna sit and talk to him today. Wish me luck

-Jennifer.

 

June 7th 2014

Dear Diary

Sorry that I dint come before to talk to you. It had been a busy week. Ryan had a court hearing. Apparently the boy he hurt had filed monetary charges against him and it was quite ugly in the court. But eventually I managed to pay the fine and Ryan is out of the jail. Probably he is hurt inside after all it is a well-known fact about how twins are connected. Rain and Ryan were born from the same umbilical cord and I feel they do have a strong connection. Since the day Rain is hurt, Ryan has been out of his mind. He calls Rain his elder sister just due to the difference of 3 minutes in their birth times. Ryan is really going through a difficult time.

On the other hand I am glad that Derik is thrown in prison for a long time to come. He deserves no mercy for what he did to my daughter. The best thing is that I am glad that my daughter is free from that monster. I still do have difficulties in believing that he actually did that to our daughter.

Rain has serious injuries on head and doctors say she has 50% chances of survival. I am ignoring the 50 odd and trusting the 50 of survival. She has not been awake since 1st of June and every second I dream of my baby girl waking up and greeting me with her big brown eyes. I went in the morning to tell her that her father has been punished for hurting her. The word father makes no sense and when that word slipped from my mouth I had tears. His act was not fatherly at all.

I just want Rain to come out of the comma and talk to me. Tell me what happened and I promise to save her from everything that has ever to come on her.

Jennifer.

 

June 14th 2014 

Dear Diary,

I do not get more of a time to come and talk to you except for Sundays. The situations have been so bad. Ryan was expelled from the school due to his behavior. After my requests and explaining his state of mind, the principal finally agreed to keep him back. He went to the school again and I hope it goes gracefully for him. I hate seeing him also like that. He looks all depressed and shattered.

When the doctor told me I was pregnant with twins my world was filled with happiness. Before even they were born, I wanted to give them everything they had ever desired. Looking at their present situation I just have one question – “What went wrong and why?”

One more shocking fact is about Derik. I went to the prison to meet him, not to check on his condition but to gain the answers on why he did that to Rain. And his behavior was something I never expected. He started shouting on me for putting him in prison. Not once he asked about Rain. What makes me upset is that he dint give a damn about how his daughter have been after he beat her and pushed her causing a severe head injury. I dint even let him finish his shouting’s and just walked away as I felt disgusted.

I have a meeting with a senior doctor tomorrow morning to discuss Rain’s case. They want me to take some steps. I just know one thing – “I want my baby girl back”

When she wakes up I am going to take Rain and Ryan to a different town and give them the best of life away from that bastard.

Jennifer.

 

June 16th 2014

Dear Diary

I met the doctor yesterday and I haven’t stopped crying since. My hands have been terribly shaking and I am not able to write properly. The doctors have just one option with them and that is “take Rain off the life support”. My whole body seem to shake at the thought of Rain going away from me. More than my baby girl, she is my best friend.

I told them I need to think before letting my precious princess embark her journey to heaven. This was my worst nightmare and it slapped my face becoming a reality.

I haven’t told about it to Ryan. I fear his reaction. Off lately he has been staying ta his friends place as this house reminds him of Rain and I think its better he is there. While here, he locked himself in the room and refused to come out. I could hear his sobs down the hallway. He feels guilty of not being able to help his sister. He went out with his friends when all of this happened. I was at work and when Ryan returned he saw Rain in a pool of blood. His has been under shock since then. HE could never forgive himself for not being there.

The whole thing about Rain is killing both of us.

Jennifer.

heartbeat

 

June 18th 2914

Yesterday I had to tell Ryan about Rain. After all he had the right to know and meet his sister for one last time. The news tore him apart as expected. He screamed and locked himself. He blamed me for letting Rain die.

Those words were like a knife slicing through my heart. I am not letting Rain die. I am just ending her sufferings. I pray to god to give Ryan some strength to pass this time.

Jennifer.

 

June 25th 2014

Dear Diary

It’s been long since I have written but I had no words. I still don’t have enough words to describe my pain. My vision is blurred and I can barely see through the lines.

Rain passed away last week. The doctors could do nothing to save her. I was there watching over her as she took her last breath. I was screaming her name wanting her to come back. Ryan was standing next to me and he saw his twin sister pass away. She wasn’t supposed to go this way leaving us behind.

Ryan started going to school again from today. In the morning he came to me and I could see his eyes all red and puffy. He told me how he hated his father and he would never call him a father for the matter of fact. He also said that if ever Derik is out of jail, he would kill him. He wouldn’t ever be able to overcome the guilt of not being able to save Rain.

While he was sitting in the café with his friends, Rain did call him and all he could hear was screaming on the phone. Rain was screaming in pain and he ran as fast as he could but never made it on time. When he was home, Derik had darted out of the door leaving Rain in a pool of blood. Even if Derik had called the doctors on time, after his horrifying act, maybe Rain would have been alive.

He needs to stop blaming himself for everything. I am planning to move away from here and this house taking my son somewhere where he can start a new life. It was not his fault. He said he wanted us to leave as soon as possible and I am glad that he stood by me in the decision. It’s very hard for me to digest the fact that my daughter is no more and my husband is responsible for it.

Jennifer.

 

June 28th 2014

Dear Diary

Today was Rain’s funeral. All her friends were here. Her best friend Kristine was crying for her as she spoke some last words for my daughter. Sam was suppose to be her prom partner and he never attended the prom that year, none of her friends did. Sam was equally shattered. They all missed Rain. Ryan was by my side throughout the funeral not leaving my hand even for a moment. We both had tears in our eyes as we saw the casket being lowered in the ground.

The sad part is, till date both of us has no clue what caused Derik to beat Rain so much and so violently. It kills me that I never saw this coming. I just hope Ryan is normal again and all I I have for now is hope…

We leave tomorrow morning.

Jennifer.