Teaser Alert – “Beyond the Boundaries”

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In the placid and artistically impregnated art gallery everyone was discussing the paintings that had been magnificently hanging on the wall. The Art Gallery had been packed with people. Groups by groups of people were entering the exhibition halls; their faces were radiant with joy. charcoal drawings, pencil drawings and oil paintings were on display. Most of them reflect daily activities and some of them bring us into a world of imagination and dreams.

An oil painting caught a boy in his late twenties attention. He kept staring at it for long as if he knew the person that had been painted. He was smiling as if the painting reminded him of someone. Raghav noticed him and went to greet him

“Hi there, may I help you?”

“Hi, I love this painting of yours. It’s precious and beautiful”

“Thanks”

“The girl; this back, that little scar on the back, it does remind me of someone and that dream catcher you tattooed on it in your painting is just brilliant. That girl was full of dreams from the time I knew her”

“I ma flattered”

“I would like to buy this one”

“Sure”

“How much is it?”

“you have selected the most expensive painting from my collection, plus it has beautiful memories attached to me as well” he smiled

“just price it and its mine. Please do not deal it with anyone”

“if I am not interfering can I ask you what happened to that girl?”

“Well, nothing happened to her, she was mine long back, until I cheated on her and shattered her trust and now she has her own world but my time is running out. I don’t have time on my hands”

“time?”

“I am dying soon”

Raghav looked at him as he smiled a peaceful serene glow. He had no courage to price it for him

“I am sorry”

“don’t be. May be it’s the karma. Also I would like to to look at this painting everyday for the rest of my available days” he laughed.

“It’s all your’s sir. Please don’t buy it instead accept it as a gift from me. The girl in this painting is a beautiful angel that entered my life and changed everything for good but I know I cannot have her for myself”

“Thank you Mr. Raghav.  I appreciate your kind gesture but I insist on paying for your hardwork”

“Please don’t make me ashamed. Please accept it as a gift”

After a little discussion the man agreed. Raghav ordered his caretaker to pack the painting and deliver it to the address given by him. Meanwhile he thanked him and moved ahead to look at the other paintings.

Maahi entered a bit late with Shreya. She was helping her pack as soon after the exhibition shreay was flying.

“Sorry we are late. Wow the place is full”. Maahi was all excited to look at the painting. The exhibition offered her precious minutes of relaxation and enriched her imagination. It brought her back into her happy and peaceful past, full of love and tenderness, among my dear ones.

“Wow Raghav. Beautiful. Hey where’s that painting in which there’s a girl who look similar to Maahi?” Shreya winked at Raghav.

“I just gifted it to someone”

“Gifted?” Maahi exclaimed

“Yeah” and Raghav told him the entire incident that happened few minutes back. He then pointed to the man who had been so much interested in that painting.

Maahi didn’t understand, as if her brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. Around her, everything was in fast-forward while she was motionless in the middle of it all. How could this happen? She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes until she saw nothing but sparkles. She tried to sit down, but it was more like a stumble and fall that left her in a trembling heap on the sidewalk.

“Raghav, did he say he is dying?” Maahi had tears, visible tears in her eyes.

“Yeah that’s what he said”

Just then the three of them saw the man leaving the hall heading towards a car with a driver in it. He speeded off before Maahi could catch hold of him

“You have his address or phone number?”

“Why are you asking all of these” Shreya and Raghav both had the same question in their mind.

She paled, raising a hand to cover her beating heart as she released the words from her mouth “Shreya! He is Raahil”

Everything made sense now and Shreya consoled her crying friend. Raghav ran to pick the register with his details and handed it to Maahi

“I am coming with you” Shreya took her hand

“No, I will confront him” Maahi left the place.

“Relationships dont always make sense. Especially from the outside”

A lot many bloggers here have turned out to be my very good friends and we are so good with each other that we actually send letters, post cards and gifts across the oceans. That reminds me of my mother from another world “Blanca” who has been through my thick and thin listening to my non stop nonsense, issues and helping me out settle things in my mind. Though we are nowhere biologically connected (ofcourse she is white and i am brown), shez like a mother to me. infact she is my mother and that is how i would always address or recall her. Also that reminds me of the pretty dress she sent me last week….awwwww its so damn beautiful

 

Ok coming back to the point, so I have few other such friends and this is heartbreaking, the letter I received from another friend who chooses to stay anonymous. So henceforth we call her “Anna” which means “Full of grace” and she is indeed full of grace and happiness as I know her. Her letter was heart wrenching and hence I am posting it as it is.

 

“I suppose that’s good news”

“Oh. Well.”

These were the reactions to my reluctant disclosure to two important people in my life that I had a miscarriage a few days ago. I am not married, and I am 25 years old. I live with my family in India. The pregnancy was not planned, but then again, from what I know of my married friends, most pregnancies are not. It came as a surprise which I was pretty much sure would happen as I had an intercourse on the first day of my periods and later on took the “ipill” as most of us do. But somewhere deep within me I knew the pill wouldn’t work considering my biological condition and it sure dint.

I had exactly two days to take in the fact that I was pregnant. I’d noticed the changes in my body over that brief period, and I saw them this time as well. Knowing I was pregnant changed things for me, granted that I had taken a pill to avoid this situation. But it’s different from taking an abortion pill. I didn’t actively want the pregnancy.

It was a beautiful love story between me and my boyfriend and i can never forget those memories that started with a kiss on 10th February 2013 when he came to pick me up from one party and we went for a ride. I still remember that freezing cold night around 11pm he took me to some dark place where he proposed to me and suddenly without thinking anything I said YES

And this is how our journey started

I always wanted to be a princess and he always treated me that way. I was on cloud 9 as our bonding was increasing more and more after so many ups and downs. I used to make so many handmade gifts for him and that one smile of him make my all efforts worth it. He was my world my life. I have learnt so many things from him he used to be my mentor. But our happiness was short lived when his parents came to know about us. India unlike most of the western countries is very UNCOOL on the concept of love marriages. Still, majority of us marry based on the choices of our parents. So following the regular ritual, we tried convincing his parents which proved fruitless.

We initially tried to end the relation but were not able to do it. We thought to be good friends but even that was getting difficult. We loved each other and that was a fact. That day when we made out was one such fateful day where we could not control our emotions and it all went with the flow. But soon after that day he became more reluctant on the break up part. He decided that it was the time to stop talking completely considering the dark future we had.  And it went that way, we stopped talking and we had an official break up.

After our break up I came to know that I have missed my periods date and that were the first bells of suspicion ringing in my ears. I might be pregnant were my bizarre thoughts.  I took a home pragnency test and it turned negative but a further more research on internet told me that it does come negative in the initial phases. Within one week I was an expert on this subject after sitting on google for 5-6 hours a day reading every possible thing on the subject. I was deeply tensed.

Then I went to Mumbai for my work and there I felt slightly dizzy and mild discomfort and that was the time I knew what was happening. I also knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was in office. I asked a co-worker to go buy me some sanitary napkins. I thought I was having a miscarriage I know I was thinking stupid but it was inner feeling as I could feel something going out of my body.

The reactions of the two people I took into confidence were in stark contrast to the outpouring of grief I see for my married friends who report their miscarriages. Theirs is not a hesitating stutter of revelation, like mine. They post their grief on Facebook, and get encouraging messages of support and crying emojis. They are celebrated for their resilience. Everyone give them suggestions that do this do that and please be happy they advise to her husband to make her happy so she can come out of it take her somewhere for vacations she need love and caring

Then why these things are not for an unmarried girl?

Why reactions of all changes for an unmarried girl?

I had to inform my partner over the SMS due to the fear of being overheard, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say the words without bursting into tears. I messaged him a month later and I told him about my situation and to my horror I got a reaction that clearly suggested that he dint believe me. He thought I am doing all of this to get attention.

Let me tell you something, whether married or unmarried, the pain of missing a child in unbearable. After my Mumbai trip I had a gynecologist checked me and she had confirmed the pregnancy. Also due to the pills I had taken without prescriptions, there was huge infection in my internal areas. The mental and physical stress killed my baby before even I could abort it or maybe I wouldn’t have done that and might have kept the child. My thoughts were too shady in the initial phases but before I could come to a decision, the baby was gone.

I texted him all of these and surprisingly I got a reply from him “pls take care of yourself”

THAT’S IT! A fucking “Take Care” is not what I expected. While curing myself without telling my family about it, I had to undergo severe medical processes and different ways of taking medications. One of which was inserting a tablet in my Vagina. Can you imagine how painful that is? And I can never forget this depression after taking pills and to suffer alone from all these

After this episode I can say that confidently there is no humanity left in this world

How someone can react so irresponsibly? Or probably it would be very difficult for me to trust a BOY again in my life. I have no clue how long would that take but it’s surely gonna take long enough before I completely heal myself mentally.

The “Congratulations?” was the second response, from a best friend. I called and told about everything and I knew she did not had words to speak. But she swung in favor of the positive and helped me fight the situation.

One suggestion for guys if u cannot be with her on her birthday that’s ok if cannot be with her on your anniversary or if u cannot remember the dates even that is acceptable

Don’t meet her every day if you won’t be able to give her your precious time that’s ok for her she will understand everything

BUT just be with her when she is suffering from this pain just because of you

These are one of the most crucial times for her and I wish no other girl suffer from this pain

It’s very easy to hear that she had a miscarriage but it’s a dying moment for that girl who suffer alone from this

I’m clearly not anti-abortion, by any means. But all I want to say is this: when a woman tells you that she has had a spontaneous abortion, a miscarriage, whatever – don’t congratulate her. Don’t say anything at all. Nothing you say can take away the violence her body has undergone in this very painful process, irrespective of whether it was something she chose or not. So just offer your empathy and spare her from associating the desirability of the situation due to her marital status. That’s her business, not yours

Yours Loving

Anna

 

After reading this i had no words. I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

 

 

The relevance of Kawasi Hidme’s unheard story by Sushmita Verma (Art by Sushmita)

Kruti Mehta:

This made me Cry today

Originally posted on Colours of the Cage:

Being an adivasi, a woman and being born in a region desired by greedy multi national companies does not serve one well. That is the story of Hidme and many more like her in the regions of Bastar, Chattisgarh. Kawasi Hidme was a young girl, full of energy from Borguda village in Sukma, Bastar region. She helped her widowed aunt till a small piece of land. The rice grown was just enough for them and Hidme would, during the season, sell Mahua in the local market. Like every girl of her age, she would be excited about the occasional fairs from where she can buy colourful bangles and other items which were otherwise not available in the local market.

In January 2008 just after harvest, as in previous years, a fair was organised in Ramram, the nearby village. Kawasi accompanied her aunt and her other cousin sisters to the fair…

View original 1,366 more words

Its all in the mind

First of all, this is going to be my first attempt on trying to post here through phone. I normally only reply to only comments from here as typing from phone causes 1000000 typos :p Nevermind, i am gonna try this today.

For those who read my blog regularly, if you remember i did post a story on stupid religious beliefs in India and had mentioned a flower market. Today again i was in the same market at 7 am. Highly crowded but a beautiful place, why beautiful? Well you can see flowers of all shapes and sizes around. That smell of fresh roses is still in my nose and most importantly, the hospitable people.

Flower market of Ahmedabad, Gujarat is run entirely by a community which India hates, MUSLIMS! Why we hate them, i have no clue. Trust me there’s a lot more to hate in the world then theae people coz’ i find them totally beautiful and very hostile. They form the minority in this country while we are the majority and right from our childhood are taught to hate them.

Yeah! I am not kidding. The seeds of hatred are so deeply sowed in our minds that we are scared of them. A few like me break those barriers and have close relationa with them. I had muslim friends in school and college and infact my very first assistant was a muslim girl. Still remember her, very adorable and hardworking.

Today also when i stepped in the market, the man with the most hostile smile helped me out decide the flower bouquet for my sister who just won Masterchef India season 4 :) . His name was Badshah (thats how people around him addressed him) and he handed me a flower (name i dont know) asking me to keep in the house as the fragrance would spread across.

Whenever i go to that place the sad reality of my country haunts me. We all are good with each other and we all like each other. There is no hate within us but is often influenced on us. Think about it. Are we what we are or what we are being made by influences around us?

Ps: forgive me for all typos :)